I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
