you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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