She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and she was petting her beer can
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
