So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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