I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
