it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
