Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
