Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
