I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
