I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
His nipple licking is glorious
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