My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize