I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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