just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
