She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize