woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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