That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
