I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
