You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
