I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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