well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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