I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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