I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
