She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
