And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Vodka?
Forever.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
