i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
