i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
