turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
His nipple licking is glorious
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