Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
