when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
