I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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