I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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