twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
