does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The air was thick with penises
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
