So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
