he puts the penis in happiness.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
