hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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