Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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