Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
