3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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