Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
