pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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