Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
