Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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