Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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