just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
