Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
