I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
