he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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