Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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