my soul wont recognize me after tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
