GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
