Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
