just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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