PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
