I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
