My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
