God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
