I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
