someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
