just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
