there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
