I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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