Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
