i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
