nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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