perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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