It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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