my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
