So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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