oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
