Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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