Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
