She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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