I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
