it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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